


Temporary Insanity

by WritingMyOwnHappyEnding



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Universe, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Graduation, I love these boys too much to make them suffer, Light Angst, M/M, Maybe TOO responsible, Responsible Sawamura Daichi, So sue me, Sugawara always thinks about everybody else, really light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:13:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingMyOwnHappyEnding/pseuds/WritingMyOwnHappyEnding
Summary: After graduation, Karasuno's third-years confront their changing relationships. Faced with University plans, separation, and the end of volleyball, will they come together or fall apart?In which Asahi almost gives up, Daichi is very responsible, Suga puts his own needs behind everyone else’s, and Nishinoya is, well, himself.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Sugawara Koushi, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 89





	1. don't go

“I can’t believe it,” Asahi says quietly. “Can you believe it?”

Suga can’t believe it. Graduation is over. The ceremony and the hugs and the madness are over, and the volleyball team is gathered in Tanaka’s living room, because Tanaka’s parents are out of town, god bless them, and Saeko is in charge. And Saeko doesn’t mind having a house full of Karasuno Volleyball Club. 

It’s late, and the energy is winding down. The first years -  _ soon to be second-years _ , thinks Suga - are bickering noisily, and he loves it, he loves the normalcy of it. He can see them through the doorway to the kitchen, where the party has migrated (like all good parties do at the end.) Tsukishima and Yamaguchi verbally sparring with Hinata and Kageyama. Normal. 

He trades a grin with Asahi. The two of them have retreated to the dark, quiet living room in a bid for peace and quiet. 

Actually, Suga suspects that Asahi might have been looking for a place to cry. And since he feels a little like crying himself, he has followed.

Back in the kitchen, Tsukishima says something that Suga can’t hear, and Hinata makes an outraged sound, and turns to Daichi in mute appeal. “Don’t look at me, it’s not my problem anymore.” Daichi sounds amused, but there’s strain in his face. Tsukishima purses his lips. Hinata looks like he wants to cry.  _ Me too, kid. _ Suga’s eyes stay on Daichi as Nishinoya shouts “Don’t say that, you’ll always be our captain! We’ll call you at university just to get you to lecture us.” 

Beside him, Asahi laughs quietly. “He’ll do it, too.”

Suga looks over at Asahi, and raises his eyebrows. “What?” says Asahi, but he doesn’t really sound confused. Suga looks pointedly at Noya, and back at his friend. Asahi shrugs, then shakes his head sadly.

Suga gives him a searching look, but his voice is soft when he asks, “Really?”

Another shrug. “I’ll still be in town. We’ll still see each other.”

“I think you should tell him,” says Suga, hypocrite that he is.

“I can’t.” Asahi shakes his head. “He’s…” 

Asahi gestures to the kitchen, where Noya has managed to climb halfway on Daichi’s shoulders and is shouting, “What are you going to do about it, ‘captain’?!” 

“He’s what, perfect for you?” Suga laughs a little, because Daichi looks happy, but when he turns back to Asahi, there are tears slipping down his friend’s face. So Suga leans his head on Asahi’s shoulder, and lets some of his own tears slip out too.

After a moment, Asahi says “What about you?”

Suga sighs. “I haven’t decided. I’ve got a month.” One month with his best friend/love of his life. One month, before they go to separate universities and Suga’s heart breaks forever. He dreads it, but at the same time he wonders if it might be a relief. Like an amputation. Part of you gone forever, but the rest of you can heal. 

Asahi quotes him back to himself: “‘I think you should tell him,’” and Suga laughs - really more of a breath than a laugh - in acknowledgement.

“He’ll break my heart.”

Asahi snorts. “Is your heart not broken?”

“Yeah. But Daichi didn’t do it.” Asahi nods in acknowledgement of the difference, and rests his head on Suga’s. 

The kitchen quiets - people are sitting on the floor. Suga wants to join, but at the same time he wants quiet. He feels raw, stripped bare. Emotionally exhausted. Still, this is one of their last chances for them all to be together. He takes a breath to ask Asahi if he wants to go into the kitchen, but before he can, Asahi says “Don’t go, Suga.” His voice is as hopeless as Suga has ever heard him. “Just, please. Not yet.” There’s something in his friend’s tone that makes Suga lift his head and look at him. Asahi looks back, letting his head lay back against the couch. They regard each other quietly. Eventually Asahi whispers “I’m so damn lonely.” He doesn’t look away.

Suga takes a deep breath, holding Asahi’s gaze. It’s not like he hasn’t considered it. Life would be so much easier, if he were interested in Asahi. And here, among a thousand other endings, was this last chance as well. So instead of saying  _ let’s not go there _ , he says “Me too.”

Asahi leans slightly closer, his lips parting, and Suga can feel his own breath quicken. His body betraying him,  _ please, yes, finally, after all this wanting, give me something I can have _ . But - this is one of his truest friendships, and they’re both in love with people who are sitting in the next room.  _ No. _ He shakes his head, slowly.

Asahi closes his eyes, and kindof slumps. “I know,” he says. “It’s not - I don’t really - I’m just so lonely.” It’s not a come-on, just an admission.

So is Suga’s, when he says again, “Me too.”  _ God. _ “But, like, I’m not gonna use you as a band-aid.” 

“That’s smart,” says Asahi, eyes still closed. “Sorry I was so stupid.” 

“Not stupid.” Suga rests his forehead against Asahi’s and closes his own eyes. “It’s just...one of those ideas that sounds better in theory.”

Suddenly, the quiet moment is broken by a bright light and an extremely loud, “What the HELL?!” 

Nishinoya.

Suga squints against the overhead light . Noya’s standing near the door of the living room, frozen in place. He’s as still and quiet as Suga has ever seen him off the court. 

Daichi is beside him, but Suga only gets a brief glimpse of his stunned face before Daichi turns his back on the room. His shoulders are shaking as he takes a deep breath. Another. Another. And then he turns back, his face carefully blank, and says to Suga, “Excuse us. But can I talk to you outside?”

Nishinoya is still staring at Asahi, and Asahi is staring back at Nishinoya. Asahi, oddly, doesn’t look scared or even upset - his look is intent and assessing, his face and eyes very alive. 

Suga, on the other hand, is terrified. But he nods at Daichi and takes refuge in formality. “Of course.” He follows his friend as they fumble with shoes and leave the house, shutting the door quietly behind them.

***

Finally Asahi says “Noya. I know what that looked like. But it wasn’t. We weren’t.” (Thank god, he thinks, thank all the gods and Suga.)

Nishinoya’s breath lets out with a whoosh, but it does nothing to change the tension in his frame (or in the room.) Noya half-smiles - a sardonic quirk that somehow intensifies, rather than dispels, his sense of subdued frustration. He lifts his chin and says “It better not be. If you’re going to kiss someone from volleyball it had  _ damn _ well  _ better _ be  _ me _ !”

Asahi stands. Those who have seen Asahi play volleyball (which is everyone there) recognize the confidence of his walk, the set of his shoulders, the determination which during a game means ‘Watch out, here I come.’ In fact, that’s what it means here too, as he takes three steps towards Noya and comes to rest in front of him. He looks down at the libero. “Okay,” he says. 

Asahi starts to lean down, but Noya is already flinging himself upward with a triumphant laugh, his arms around Asahi’s neck as they kiss, they kiss, they kiss.

*** 

Daichi and Suga walk quietly for a few blocks, and finally Daichi speaks. His voice is low, quiet, intense. “What the hell, Suga?”

His first wild instinct is to mess with Daichi - to make up a story of a long-running secret romance. But he feels amorphously, illogically guilty. He can’t tell if he’s worried about messing things up for Asahi and Noya ( _ not your fault or your responsibility _ ) or about a vague sense of having “cheated” on Daichi ( _ insane, since they weren’t a couple and probably never would be _ .)

“Nothing happened,” he says instead. 

“It sure looked like something was happening.” 

“It wasn’t.” Another surge of guilt, this time for lying, so Suga admits, “Actually, it almost kinda was. Thank god we came to our senses.”

“Jesus, Suga.” Daichi’s voice is still quiet intensity, and Suga turns to him, looks at his face. He realized that Daichi is angry. The quiet intensity is ice-cold anger. 

His mouth opens in shock, and his response is forceful. “ _ What _ .”

Daichi glowers at him. “You’d do that to Noya? To the team?”

Suga struggles to keep his voice calm. “No. I wouldn’t and I didn’t. Didn’t I just say, nothing happened?” His own frustration surges, and his next words are clipped and bitter. “And if it did, ‘captain,” it’s not the team’s business! We’re not  _ on _ the team anymore!” Daichi flinches. Suga takes a deep breath. “Sorry.” Daichi bites his bottom lip but he’s still glaring. 

Suga tries again. “I don’t really understand why you’re mad. Would it really be that awful? I’ve spent this whole damn year on the sidelines. Every game, watching you, and the two of them,” he waves his hand helplessly, unsure how to finish his sentence. He can tell that he’s babbling a little, making a list of offenses that Daichi will never understand, including ‘ _ you’re so hot when you play that it hurts to look at you’ _ and ‘ _ Asahi has a real chance at something I’ll never have’  _ and _ ‘I had to look after your almost-girlfriend’s good luck charm, fuck that.’ _ The almost-girlfriend surges through his mind. “And you and Michimiya. And I’m just here. Alone.” Suga trails off. 

Daichi looks a little stricken, but he clearly doesn’t understand most of what Suga is getting at. “Oh, god.” he says. “Honestly, it never occurred to me that you two...” 

“We’re not. Really. I’m rooting  _ so hard _ for him and Noya. It was just temporary insanity.” 

Daichi sighs, and the tension bleeds from his shoulders. “Okay.” A pause. “And you’re right, it’s not my business. I didn’t mean to imply that it’s not okay for you to find someone. Or that your feelings are less important than Noya’s, or anything.”

_ I don’t want you to be okay with me finding someone _ . “Thanks. But really, it wasn’t….I’m not planning to ‘find’ Asahi. Ever.”

“Good,” Daichi mutters.

Suga decides to change the subject. “So what do you think was happening with those two, when we left?” This conversation is familiar territory and they walk as they talk, speculating cheerfully. (Little did they know that this question was playing out, fairly passionately, in a corner of Tanaka’s living room.)

Eventually it occurs to Suga to ask where they’re going. “Home,” says Daichi with longing. “My home.” But when they get there, they turn by wordless agreement into the side yard. They sit on the grass, talking about volleyball and school and exams, using the present tense, as though everything is normal and they’ll be going back soon. Eventually they lie down, side by side, staring up at the sky. Talking more seriously, in fits and starts, punctuated by long stretches of silence. 

There’s a question that Suga really wants the answer to. “So...what about you and Michimiya?” he finally says. 

“Oh my god, I don’t know,” says Daichi. He doesn’t really seem to want to talk about it. 

But Suga does. “You’ve been close for a while.”

“I guess.”

He feels like he has to know. “She seems pretty into you. Do you think you’re going to...do something about it?”

“Maybe. Not. I don’t know!” Daichi says with sudden violence, sitting straight up. “God, Suga…” his voice trails off, and when he speaks again it’s almost a whine. “Why does everybody just assume that’s what’s going to happen? Why do they all assume that’s what I want?” He lowers himself back to one elbow, face on his fist. Closer to Suga. Staring at Suga. Daichi takes a deep breath and says in a low voice, almost a whisper, “I don’t know what I want.”

Their eyes are locked together.  _ Shit, _ thinks Suga.  _ Is this actually happening? _ Daichi breaks eye contact for a brief moment, looks at Suga’s lips, licks his own.  _ Okay, yes it’s happening. Do I...let it happen? Does he really want this, or is it just more temporary insanity?  _ Daichi’s face is serious, his breathing just a little too quick. 

Daichi reaches down with his free hand and brushes a lock of hair from Suga’s forehead.  _ Oh shit, I might not care. _ Then Daichi takes a breath and says “I’m sorry I got mad before.”  _ Uh oh, what? _ “It wasn’t about Noya. When I saw you guys on that couch, I felt...like the fucking world was ending.” Daichi looks a little scared by this admission. His eyes search Suga’s face.

Suga thinks of Daichi with his back turned in Tanaka’s living room. Of his shoulders shaking.  _ Okay, it’s not just this moment _ , thinks Suga. _ It could still just be tonight. So many changes, so many losses. It could be a reaction to that. _ But his heart pounds as the reality of the situation sinks in.  _ Daichi wants this. Daichi wants me. And this may be my only chance. _

So he reaches up with both hands and pulls Daichi’s face to his. 

For a brief moment, Daichi freezes, and Suga has time to think  _ I’ve made a mistake _ . And then Daichi’s head tilts, and his lips move against Suga’s, tentative and soft. It’s sweet, this first kiss, sweeter than Suga ever dreamed, with Suga’s hands still on Daichi’s face, and Daichi’s hand slowly stroking Suga’s hair. 

When they break, Daichi leans his face into Suga’s chest. Is he shaking?  _ Maybe this was a mistake. _ “Oh my god,” Daichi whispers quietly. Then he lifts his head up to look into Suga’s eyes, and his face is awed. “Oh my god,” he says again. “ _ Wow _ .” 

_ Shit _ , thinks Suga.  _ I’m so completely screwed. _ He nods, stupidly, shakily, lips still parted and breath ragged. Daichi smiles, and there’s an unfamiliar expression on his familiar face, something warm and liquid and dangerous. Suga feels that smile through his whole body,  _ shit _ , how is he  _ already _ \- Daichi runs his thumb slowly across Suga’s lips, and Suga tilts his head back with a gasp, eyes closing and mouth opening, and he thinks he hears one more whispered “wow” before Daichi’s mouth closes over his.

It’s so different, this kiss - hot and eager, with hands clutching backs and shoulders, kisses breaking for gasps of breath, faces buried in necks, lips moving against jaws and ears and collarbones. Suga’s starting to feel slightly crazed - he is so, so aroused, and god, he doesn’t want to rush this moment except that he  _ does _ , and he can see the same frantic look in Daichi’s face, when he catches a glimpse between frantic kisses. And then Daichi shifts above him, and his leg slides between Suga’s thighs, and Suga can’t help it, he lets out a soft whine and a tiny roll of his hips against Daichi’s leg. 

He’s unprepared for the response - Daichi moans, long and slow, and he thrusts slowly into Suga’s thigh. Once, twice - three agonizingly perfect movements, and each time his moan rises in pitch, and it’s intense, too intense, and once again Suga thinks, _ I’ve made a mistake. _ And maybe Daichi can somehow read his mind, because he drops his head into Suga’s shoulder. He’s shaking. They’re both shaking. Suga puts his arms around his friend, and the desire is gone from their embrace, and now Suga is just clinging, and he doesn’t know if he’s trying to give comfort, or to get it.

Eventually Daichi raises his head, looks into Suga’s eyes, and Suga’s heart sinks at the look on his face. “Jesus,” Daichi breaths, and his voice is ragged. Scared. “Oh my god. Jesus, Suga.” And a tightness is building in Suga’s chest, because Daichi’s face is dark and inscrutable, but in his eyes there’s fear. “I - can we sit up?” Daichi says shakily.

They sit up, cross-legged in the grass, facing each other. Suga thinks he might cry. He’s exhausted and emotionally whiplashed and desperately in love, and Daichi looks miserable and regretful and it’s making Suga’s chest hurt.

Daichi drags his fingers down his face. “Okay,” he says. “Okay.”

And suddenly Suga just cannot face it. He cannot bear to have this conversation, he cannot bear to cry in front of Daichi, he cannot bear to sit there and let his best friend break his heart. “Daichi,” he hears himself saying in a flat voice. Daichi looks up at him, and there again is the fear in his eyes. “Can we talk about this tomorrow.” He’s not really asking, but waits for Daichi’s nod. He stands up and walks away and tries not to look back at his best friend, the love of his life, sitting in the grass with his head in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, what's WITH everybody today? Is it National "Hit on Suga" Day"? Just kidding. Obviously every day is National Hit on Suga Day. That's just the magic that is Sugawara.
> 
> ___
> 
> Wanna know something funny? I started this fic after re-watching some of the anime. I was thinking to myself, "You know, there's actually a lot of energy between Suga and Asahi, I wonder if I could do something with that." So I sat down and started writing and well, this is as far as I was willing to take that idea. I chickened out, y'all. I just love Asahi/Nishinoya SO MUCH.


	2. a reason to be careful

Suga hears his phone ding as he’s headed home, but he ignores it. One ding, that’s all, but it’s still more than he feels able to deal with. He carefully plugs in his phone without looking at the screen. 

He gets into bed, regretful and guilty and shaken. And below that, more terrifying than anything, a tiny bit hopeful. He thinks of Daichi looking down at him. “I felt like the fucking world was ending.”  _ Shit. _

He finally thrashes himself to sleep, and wakes up late. After a few minutes, he steels himself to look at his phone. Two texts and one missed call from Daichi. No voicemail. The first text, the one from last night, says “I’m sorry.” And the one from this morning says “Please call me.” And the phone call came in not too long after that.

He doesn’t like that “I’m sorry,” because he doesn’t know what it’s for. And Daichi tends to feel responsible for things. So it might be “Suga I’m sorry for freaking out mid-makeout,” or it might be “Suga I’m sorry for screwing around with your feelings” or it might be “Suga I’m sorry, I’ve decided to marry Michimiya” and there’s no way to know. 

He has to make his brain work. He needs to call his best friend.

To say what? What can he say, to the love of his life that he’s just kissed for the first time, and it was good, so good, he knows it was good for them both, until it wasn’t, and Suga ran away without talking to him. 

What can he say to his best friend, who said “I don’t know what I want” before doing something very gay when he’d always acted straight before, and then had looked at him regretful and afraid. Before Suga ran away without talking to him. 

What can he say to his team captain, who always takes responsibility for everything and is probably feeling responsible for this whole mess, especially since Suga did the one thing guaranteed to make Daichi feel worse and  _ ran away without talking to him _ . 

He’d been a total chickenshit, why was Daichi the one apologizing?

His phone dings again, and he winces, but he looks at it.

Asahi: Are you dead?  
Suga: No?   
Asahi: Daichi thinks you’re dead   
Asahi: Or that you hate him  
Asahi: Please call him  
Asahi: He won’t stop texting me. I’m trying to sleep.  
Suga: This is you sleeping? (Why are you still sleeping?)  
Asahi: I’m failing at sleeping. I was up ALL NIGHT, I have a LOT to tell you.   
Asahi: But first CALL DAICHI  
Suga: Ok

Shit shit shit. No more time to make his brain work. He opens a message to Daichi. “I’m not dead and I don’t hate you” he types, and presses send.

His phone rings so fast he doesn’t know how Daichi could have had time to press buttons. He takes a breath and answers. “Hey.” 

“God, Suga, you scared the shit out of me.” Daichi sounds tired.

“I’m sorry,” says Suga. It sounds totally inadequate. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been a total shit.”

There’s real hurt in Daichi’s voice when he answers. “Ah - yeah, actually.” 

“I’m sorry. Shit. Um. How are you?”

“I - don’t know. Tired. Confused.”  _ Confused. _ “I’m afraid I’m handling this badly.” Daichi likes to handle things well. 

_ Confused. _ Suga tries to untangle ‘ _ things to say to your best friend’ _ from ‘ _ things to say to the love of your life _ .’ “It’s been a lot. In, like, 24 hours.”

“I guess. How are  _ you _ ?” Daich is going concerned-captain on him.

“I’m, I don’t know. Can we, um, could you meet up today? To talk?” 

“Oh, god, I wish. I’ve got family stuff all day, literally ALL day. Like, they’re glaring at me right now.” Suga laughs, imagining the entire Sawamura family with Daichi’s captain-glare on their faces. “Um...maybe tomorrow morning? I can sneak out for a run.”

“As long as you don’t make me actually run.”

“No promises. Seven? At the park with the blue thing?” 

“ _ Seven? _ Fine. You’re a monster, but fine.”

“Okay. Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Suga hangs up the phone and drops his head into his hands.  _ What a fucking mess. _ He tries to sort out his thoughts, feeling (if anything) slightly worse than before the phone call. They’d barely said anything. Daichi is  _ confused _ , whatever that means, and he probably has a right to be. But where does that leave Suga?  _ Same place I’ve always been, _ he thinks bitterly. __

The thing is: he  _ knows _ that Daichi likes girls. Three years of high school together, and while there’s never been a girlfriend that he knows about, it’s still been three years of classmates and crushes and locker room talk. Pretty girls in movies, pretty girls in the hallway, pretty girls crossing the street. Suga is indifferent to them, and Daichi is not. 

_ You knew this, _ he reminds himself.  _ You kissed him anyway. You wanted to. Confusion is probably a best-case scenario. _ But part of him still can’t help but feel that something isn’t right. That he shouldn’t have to provide emotional support for the person who is maybe, probably, in the middle of rejecting him. But that was the choice, right? He can either...be around Daichi, or not be around Daichi. Wasn’t it better to be around Daichi?  _ Augh, what a fucking mess. _

He decides to text Asahi, which turns into a forty-five minute phone call, which leaves Suga amused and elated and again, a tiny bit hopeful. 

***

The next morning Daichi is in his Karasuno t-shirt and Suga’s heart aches. What he says is,“Ugh, oh my god, are you actually running?” 

“Yes?”

“Well I refuse, and for once you can’t make me. Let’s walk.” They skirt the edge of the park, passing the giant edifice of playground equipment they call the “blue thing.” 

Daichi’s eyes gleam. “So have you..talked to Asahi?” There’s a slight hesitation in his voice, a faint question behind his question.

Suga looks at him with glee. “Oh. My. God. I cannot believe we  _ missed _ that! Right in the middle of the living room. Good for Asahi.”

Daichi looks slightly relieved. “Good for both of them.” He chuckles. “Did you hear that Tanaka, Ennoshita and Tsukishima all said ‘Finally’ at the same time?”

Suga snickers. “Probably the only time Tsukishima and Tanaka have ever been so in sync.”

Daichi’s voice goes quieter. “So, like….what the hell was in the water at that party?”

“Um, yeah.” Suga sneaks a glance at his friend, to find Daichi looking back out of the corner of his eye. He can feel himself blushing, but steels himself. “Um. How are you feeling about that?” 

Daichi looks troubled. “Do I have to pick one way?”

“No. I just want to hear what you’re thinking.”

Daichi stops walking. “Okay,” he says, looking suddenly vulnerable. “I think I’m...scared. That was...god. Oh my god, Suga, it was  _ so good _ .“ Daichi’s voice begins to rise in alarm. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!” He looks at Suga for one helpless, panicked beat. Then quietly, almost pleadingly: “It was, right?”

Suga’s mouth is dry. He nods, swallows, says “Really good.” He doesn’t think he can say  _ ‘Better than I ever imagined and I’ve imagined it way more than I’ll ever admit. _ ’ So he says again, “Really good.”

For a second, the air crackles between them.  _ I could kiss him right now, _ he thinks.  _ He would kiss me back, and we’d be right back where we started. _

Daichi breaks the tension by nodding forward and resuming their meandering walk. “I really didn’t expect to...respond like that. With a guy. So that’s - I should probably figure that out. Which I don’t have a plan for.” Daichi always likes to have a plan. “And this is just really complicated and I’m  _ scared _ .”

Gently: “What are you scared of?”

“Everything.” Daichi pauses. “I guess I’m afraid that if...if this is something I really have to deal with, I’ll be out of my depth. There are a lot of things for me to screw up, you know? And, like - it’s _ you _ . What if I screw things up with  _ you _ ? Asahi will beat me up. Oh god - with Noya’s help, now.” 

_If._ _IF it’s something you have to deal with._ Suga sidesteps the stab of hurt and leans into the joke. “Nah, he’ll send Noya to beat _me_ up for hurting _you_.”

“And then I’d have to beat up Noya.”

Suga risks a gentle snort. “As if. Noya would kick your ass.”

“And thus did the wars begin.” A pause. “So...how are  _ you _ feeling?”

_ Like shit, mostly. _ Suga had listened to Daichi’s chronicle of fears with a strange sense of feeling dragged into his past.  _ I wouldn’t fight this battle for him if I could.  _ He also noted that ‘ _ are we going to make out some more’ _ was nowhere on Daichi’s list of worries. 

“Worried about what happens next. A little guilty for being such an ass. You know, afterwards.” Suga tries to figure out how to be honest without unloading the full force of his feelings on his friend.. He looks down to say the next part. “And kind of embarrassed. Because I really liked kissing you. I really liked...everything about it. And I don’t want to pressure you, or expect anything from you.”

“You didn’t,” Daichi says quickly. “That’s not what happened.” 

“I’m glad,” says Suga. He’s grateful to Daichi for saying it, even if that wasn’t really what he meant. “But I mean in the future. I think I should be careful. Because you’re straight. And I’m not.” 

Daichi makes a frustrated, wordless, negatory sound, and Suga looks up, but his friend is staring at the ground. “I think that sounds like a reason for  _ me _ to be careful.” Suga knows he means  _ careful not to hurt you. _

Suga smiles. “I don’t think we have to make this into a competition about who can take on the most responsibility. We all know you can do it.”

“I  _ do _ feel responsible.”

“Well, maybe give it a rest. Hey. Who kissed who first?” 

Daichi finally looks up. “You kissed me” he says, a little breathlessly, and begins to smile.

_ Shiiiiiit. _ “Okay then,” says Suga. Somehow Daichi’s smile is tugging at the corners of Suga’s mouth, and he reminds himself to be careful. “You can leave  _ some _ responsibility for other people, you know.” Suga launches into a determined reminiscence about Daichi’s absurd responsibility-shouldering habits. They talk about volleyball. They agree to meet tomorrow. 

_ Fuck _ , thinks Suga on the way home.  _ This just keeps getting worse. _ He thinks of Daichi, saying ‘What am I supposed to do with that?’ in a panicky voice. Suga knows that panic. His heart goes out to his friend, but at the same time…. does he really want to wait around, dangling on Daichi’s hook, while Daichi wrestles with his sexuality? 

The whole mess made him feel really tired. 

***

The next morning is foggy and drizzly, and a light misting rain is falling when Suga reaches the park - again, to find Daichi there in front of him, warm and sweaty from running. The park is otherwise deserted. It feels like another world.

They greet each other with silent smiles, and a flat raise of Suga’s hand. Everything is quiet except for the sound of rain - speech seems not just unnecessary, but out of place. They just walk up to each other, and stop, and smile.

Rain and sweat are mingled on Daichi’s face. Suga watches a drop fall from his chin, and another slide past the corner of his lip. Daichi watches him stare. Suga shrugs, as if to say “It is what it is.”

They wander around the empty playground - the “blue thing” that gives the park their name for it. They speak in low tones, mostly discussing the functions and merits of playground equipment. Enjoying each other’s company and conversation.  _ And closeness _ , Suga realizes. They are standing very close, always nearly touching. Their low voices are an excuse: to lean their heads together; to feel the heat of breath on necks and ears and cheeks; the bump of shoulders and arms and hands. 

Suga can feel it coming, like watching a glass tip off a table - the fall, almost slow-motion, in the moment before you cry out and grasp at the air with a tardy hand. And so it seems inevitable when Daichi leans in as though to whisper, and instead brushes open lips across Suga’s cheek. Inevitable when Suga twines his arms around Daichi’s neck and leans into the soft sweetness of his mouth. Inevitable, when Suga finds himself with his back pressed against a playground ladder, trading breathless kisses and shivering in the cold, soft rain. 

The urgency of graduation night is gone; they are slow and deliberate with each other. Suga skims gentle fingers across Daichi’s shoulders and feels him shudder; Daichi curls his fingers into Suga’s hair. Suga brushes his thumbs across Daichi’s lips between kisses; Daichi presses a hand to Suga’s arching back. Rain trickles down their faces, and they suck the drops from each other’s cheeks with chilled lips.

Of course, it’s Daichi in the end (winner of the competition to see who can take on the most responsibility) who leans his forehead against Suga’s and says “We have to get warm.”

It’s true. They are wet, and shaking all over. “I know,” says Suga, but he reaches again for Daichi’s mouth.

“Oh, god,” a soft kiss, “Suga,” another, “what are you,” and another, “trying to do to me.”

Suga takes a deep breath then, and pulls back. Daichi looks lost at the sudden loss of contact. He’s shivering so much his teeth are chattering.  _ What AM I trying to do to him? Besides giving him hypothermia. _ “Oh man,” he says. “You really have to get warm.” Daichi just nods. “You okay walking home?”

Daichi’s eyes have cleared, somewhat, and he answers in a normal voice. “I’m fine. Are you okay? I can walk you.”    
  
Suga shakes his head. “Go get warm.”

Daichi nods, and says in his captain-voice, “Text me when you get home.” And in a smaller, softer voice, “and maybe call me later?”  _ Great job being careful; he sounds much less confused. _

“I’ll try. There are cousins everywhere.”

***

The cousins _ are _ everywhere. Three of his parents’ siblings are in town and this means five cousins. Filling up the bathroom as he tries to get a shower, eating all the food in the kitchen, and somehow managing to turn lunch with his grandparents into a multi-hour affair that takes the whole afternoon.

He finally manages to get into his room with the door shut, although has to actually reject a small child’s request to be lifted on Suga’s feet for ‘airplane rides.’

Suga: Sorry, it’s utter chaos here. You there?  
Daichi: I’m here.  
Suga: How are you? 

(It’s becoming ridiculous, this refrain of ‘How are you?’ between them. As though they can make things not weird if they just ask this question enough.)

Daichi: Pretty much chaos here too. My family is so much worse than the volleyball team.  
Suga: You just think that because you can’t order them around  
Daichi: There is literally a small child pounding on my door and yelling that they need to go potty.  
Suga: *Hinata  
Daichi: lol   
Suga: Mine want airplane rides   
Suga: *Also Hinata  
Daichi: Oh my god.   
Daichi: He would.   
Daichi: He’d never stop asking.  
Suga: Noya too  
Suga: Never mind, he can get those from Asahi  
Daichi: Not sure we want to know about that.  
Suga: Wait a second  
Suga: Are you somehow picturing sexy airplane rides?  
Suga: Like what would that even be?

He types “I’ve completely corrupted you” but erases it.

Suga: Never mind, you’re right. I don’t want a mental picture I can’t unsee.   
Daichi: I think I’d better go check on this potty situation unless I want it to happen on my floor.   
Suga: Good luck.  
Daichi: Park tomorrow?   
Suga: Yes.

The cheerful normalcy of this conversation cheers Suga up so much that he willingly gives airplane rides.

He gets one more text from Daichi, much later that night.

Daichi: I’ve been thinking about you a lot.  
__Oh shit.  
(after much deliberation)  
Suga: Me too.

Suga stuffs his phone in a drawer and hopes that if more dings come in, he won’t hear them. He is So. Royally. Fucked. It’s one thing to kiss someone at a party; quite another to make out for hours on a playground and then text each other shit like this in the middle of the night.

They’re going to have to figure out some shit.

_ Let’s start with Daichi’s shit _ , Suga thinks grumpily, but Daichi’s shit is inseparable from his own. Fine. His own shit, then. 

Daichi was the love of his life. He knew it with a firm certainty, like gravity. He had never wanted anyone or anything more. He had dreamed of having Daichi’s love. He had been satisfied - honored - to have Daichi’s friendship. What he was confronting now was the possibility of something in between. What was happening? A budding romance? Friends with benefits? A fling? Was Daichi testing the waters of his sexuality with someone safe? The last thought leaves him cold.

Which brings him back to Daichi’s shit. Daichi’s struggle. Suga knows it’s a big one. He’s fought it himself; he knows what the battle is like. What are the chances that Daichi can sort out his own sexuality, and then figure out how he feels about Suga, in the four weeks that remain to them before they leave town?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter formerly included this paragraph:
> 
> "He thinks of Daichi, saying ‘What am I supposed to do with that?’ in a voice like someone had handed him a squid. A big, gay squid that he now had to “figure out,” and did Suga really want to babysit that shit?
> 
> More like dangle on Daichi’s hook, while Daichi wrestles with his big gay feelings."
> 
> Which is why I still have a version of this story saved in my google drive that is called the "Big Gay Squid version."
> 
> Also, Suga, you say "shit" too much and that's all your fault, not mine at all, that's on you.


	3. were you honest?

The bright sunlight of the next morning is grating rather than soothing. Suga feels exposed; exposed to the sun and wind, exposed to the cold, exposed to the other people who have resumed morning exercise and dog-walking at the park. 

There’s a moment of awkwardness as they aren’t sure how to greet each other, but with so many people around, kissing is definitely out. So they stare at each other and shrug, and then they walk. 

Actually, Suga isn’t sure that Daichi is up for kissing, even if they were the only people in a square mile. Daichi looks serious. Troubled. Suga bumps him with a gentle elbow. “You okay?”

Daichi looks at him, open and weary. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Yeah. I think - after yesterday, I think we should talk about...what’s happening here.”  _ Responsible. _

Suga tries to buy himself some time to think, by asking the question first. “What do you want to be happening?”

“I don’t - I think part of the problem is that I don’t have an easy answer for that. Do you?”

So much for buying himself some time. “I know... what I wish was happening. Even though I know it’s more complicated than that.”

“Tell me.”

“I wish - we could take our time. Maybe go on a date. Take it slow.” He watches Daichi’s face. “Give ourselves plenty of time to process.” 

Somehow, miraculously, it was the right thing to say. The look Daichi gives him is pure gratitude and relief. “Exactly! That’s - god, that’s exactly what I mean. Time to process. I don’t think I’m...doing so great. At processing.”

Suga summons all the reassurance that he can. “I think that’s okay. It’s a lot to process. I’ve been there, remember?”

Daichi gives him a look full of questions, then frowns and looks at the ground. 

Suga wants to say,  _ you can talk to me _ , but he stops short, because...he isn’t sure he can actually take it. Instead he says, “You know, Asahi really helped me a lot. We helped each other a lot. If you need someone to talk to that’s not....” He trails off, because he doesn’t know how to put words to what he is and Asahi is not.

Daichi nods slowly. “That’s...yeah. That’s smart.”

Suga’s next words are careful. “Daichi. Do you think...do you need a break? From how...physical, this has all been?”

Daichi looks stricken, but Suga can tell he’s considering it.  _ Thoughtful. Responsible. _ Finally he answers: a nod, followed by a quiet “yes.”

“Okay,” Suga says levelly. Daichi gives him a pained look. “It’s okay. Really.”  _ It is and it isn’t. _ There’s a lump in Suga’s throat. But this is his best friend. Suga is determined to be supportive. “Or at least...it will be.”

Daichi is looking at him with his “concerned-captain” face. Again. “Suga,” he starts, but he trails off. 

_ There’s nothing to say, Daichi. _ “I’m gonna go.” 

Daichi looks like he wants to argue, but nods again. “See you tomorrow?”

Suga hesitates. “Um….not tomorrow. But call me, okay?” Another nod. They part in silence.

On the way home, Suga thinks of what he said to Asahi, about the difference between ‘my heart is broken,’ and ‘Daichi broke my heart.’ 

He waits until he gets home, then buries his face in his pillow and cries.

Daichi doesn’t call.

And Suga doesn’t call either.

***

“Um, he’s kindof...a mess,” says Asahi, in response to Suga’s inevitable question.

It’s three days after Suga and Daichi’s...break? Breakup? Suga isn’t sure what to call it. He and Asahi are in a cafe, instead of the gym. In their street clothes, instead of practice clothes or uniforms. Drinking tea instead of playing volleyball.  _ This is how we’ll meet from now on _ , Suga thinks. Like grown-ups.

Suga winces, and lowers his head to the table. “Am I a horrible person.”

“No! Why?”

“I don’t know. He’s my best friend, and he’s dealing with all this shit, and I just….don’t know how to be around him right now.” 

“That does not make you a horrible person. It just makes you a person.”

“I feel like I should have called him.”

“Do you want to call him?” Asahi asks gently.

Suga groans. “Yes and no. I still don’t know if I can take it,” he says. “Would you keep seeing Noya, if he said he didn’t know how he felt?”

Asahi looks pained. “Probably? If it was all I could get? I think...yes.” He laughs. “What can I say, I’m weak.”

“Or strong.” Suga smiles, because Asahi is so, so happy. So, so in love. “I think...I need to let him figure things out. It’s not right to rush him.”

Asahi looks thoughtful. “Do you think you have been?”

Suga sighs. “I mean, it’s been pretty intense? And he was sure about needing a break from the physical stuff. We talked. We were really honest.” 

“Were  _ you _ really honest? Or was  _ he _ really honest, and you just listened?”

“Um. Maybe the second one.”

“Did you tell him you love him?”

“God, no. No way. When your straight friend tells you he doesn’t know what he wants, and then you kiss him, and then he says he’s confused, and then he kisses you, and then kindof dumps you...telling him you love him is not going to help. He’s not ready.”

“Okay, most of what you just said sounds right. But I think the ship has sailed on ‘straight’.” Asahi smiles at Suga’s laugh. “And okay, you talked once, does that mean you’re never going to talk again?”

“I mean, no, we can still talk...but I’m not sure we can hang out right now. What do you think would happen, if we did that? It was ridiculous, how much chemistry we had. Stuff would happen. Of course it would. And you know how he is. How responsible he feels for everything. Would he tell me, if he realizes next week that this isn’t what he wants?”

Asahi’s pained look is back. “He wouldn’t want to do that to you.” 

“Exactly. He’d try to stay with me, even if he hated it. And  _ I _ wouldn’t do that to  _ him _ .”

“‘Friends don’t use each other for band-aids.’” Asahi quotes. 

***

Daichi calls that night. Very late. It wakes him up. Suga watches it ring, and almost doesn’t pick up, but - what if. He answers with “Are you okay?” Silence, and it worries him. “Daichi. Are you hurt or stranded or something?”

“No.” 

Relief, and then a little annoyance. “What’s up.”

“Are you going to the thing on Sunday?”

“The thing” was a game. Their last game. The outgoing Karasuno team was playing the neighborhood association team. Daichi was working on a ridiculous system of rotating positions so that the third years would get to play the whole game, and everyone else would take turns. Ennoshita had even wrangled permission to play in their old gym.

“Uh, yeah. Yes. I wouldn’t miss that."

“Okay.” A deep breath. “I’m glad.” Another breath. “Do you want to help me with the rotation?”

Suga tries to ignore the way his heart lifts, out of deeply-ingrained habit, at the thought of seeing Daichi. He tries to keep his voice level. “What can I do?”

“I just - need someone to look at this with me and tell me if it makes sense. Could we - could you spare an hour or so tomorrow afternoon?”   
  
Suga thinks about saying no.  _ Three weeks until they leave town. _ “Sure. Where should we meet?” 

“Sakinoshita Store. I’m hoping Coach can help us work out the kinks.” Sensible. Responsible. 

“Ah. Oh. Okay, good. Um, what time?”

“Two?”

“Sure.”

A pause. He can hear Daichi breathing. “Thank you,” Daichi eventually says. Another pause. Then he says “I miss you so much” and hangs up the phone.

***

Coach Ukai can tell that something is off.

Daichi and Suga greet each other without touching, eyes wide and smiles slightly strained. Suga can feel Ukai glancing between them. 

Daichi’s rotation system is an interesting puzzle, and after a few initial minutes of stiffness, Suga becomes absorbed in it. And excited, because he gets to play the setter for the whole game, with Daichi and Asahi by his side, while the first- and second-years rotate on and off the court, hopefully giving everyone a chance to play together. The tension slacks, and their conversation grows easy and animated.

But something is still off. Something about the way that Daichi is…..looking at him?  _ Not _ looking at him? Suga can’t tell if something is truly different about their eye contact, or if he’s just more aware of it than usual. Except once, when Suga is animatedly explaining something to Coach, and happens to catch sight of Daichi out of the corner of his eye.    
  
Daichi is staring at him, eyes intent, bottom lip caught between his teeth. When Suga meets his eyes Daichi sucks in an audible breath, before flinging his gaze to the table and then blushing slowly scarlet.

Suga trails off in the middle of a sentence. He keeps his eyes on Daichi for several seconds, but Daichi doesn’t look up. When Suga looks back at Ukai, mildly terrified, the coach simply gives him a scathing look before prompting him to continue his original point. 

It’s only a little after three when they reach a satisfactory plan, and Daichi and Suga’s eyes meet with oh-so-familiar excitement. “Thanks,” says Daichi. “I was going crazy trying to figure it out by myself.”

“Oh, you’d have loved it. You live for charts.”

“You live for them too, Mr. Hand-signals.”

“Actually,  _ I _ live to see Asahi and Nishinoya in action.”

“Oh god,” says Daichi. “In front of other people.” Suddenly he remembers that Ukai is there and glances up in mild alarm. “Ah -”

Ukai rolls his eyes. “Oh please. I’ve been wiping all your hormones off the floor for a year. You’re not as subtle as you think you are.” His eyes gleam. “So did Azumane finally find his balls, or did Nishinoya have to find them for him?” He waves a hand at Daichi’s blink and Suga’s blush. “Never mind, I don’t wanna know.” 

(After Daichi and Suga leave, slowly, with long glances at each other, Ukai shakes his head after them. “Jesus,” he says to himself. “I thought they were already fucking. What the hell are they waiting for?”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::shocked face:: COACH!!
> 
> (Also, Coach Ukai is such a liar, he absolutely does want to know all the details about how Asahi and Nishinoya got together. Don't worry, he makes Ennoshita fill him in later.)


	4. all for you

Asahi and Nishinoya in action are...sweet?

High-fives that end in twined fingers and clasped hands. Noya planting a quick kiss on Asahi’s arm as he walks by. Asahi touching one finger to Noya’s nose. Pushing water bottles into each other’s hands like it’s second nature.

Suga looks at Tanaka in amazement. “Are they always like this?”

“Dude. This is toned way down from the last time I saw them.” 

Daichi’s low voice chimes in from behind them. “I might have expected this from Asahi. But  _ Noya _ ?!.” Suga looks at him and nods in fervent agreement.

But they aren’t wrong about what to expect from Noya. Of course they aren’t. They’re only a few points into the game when Asahi absolutely nails a shot, and Nishinoya crows with laughter.

“Suuuuuuuuck iiiiiiitt!!!” shouts Nishinoya. “And by ‘it,’ I mean my boyfriend’s massive - “

“NOYA!!!” A chorus of voices, including Asahi’s.

“- DICK!!” shouts Noya, unrepentant. “Ha ha, you all wish.  _ I’m _ the only one who gets to.” Asahi puts a hand over his face.

“ _ There _ it is,” says Suga, and Daichi laughs out loud.

The game is bittersweet, of course, as it was always going to be. Playing volleyball is a different kind of language, and Daichi and Suga still speak it as easy as breathing. They settle into familiar communication patterns: shouts and glances, encouragement and congratulations, hugs and high-fives. It’s comfortable and joyous, and Suga feels an overwhelming gratitude towards Daichi, for arranging this game.

They talk non-stop. They agree that Ennoshita is settling well into his new role as captain. They also agree that there’s no way he’ll be able to handle Nishinoya, who has been shouting a steady stream of Asahi-centric trash talk - enthusiastic, filthy, and extremely  _ specific _ . They disagree over who will end up captain the year after - Suga swears that it has to be Hinata, because “everyone else is kindof an ass.” Daichi says that Kageyama has really matured. “Not enough,” laughs Suga. “Did you see his face every time I set the ball? And the way his hands twitched?”

“Yes, but he didn’t yell at you once!”

And between sets, the team cheers and argues and shouts. Kageyama fusses at Hinata, and Tsukishima says something nasty, and Nishinoya climbs on Tanaka’s shoulders, and it’s perfect. Daichi catches Suga’s eye and smiles, a warm, open smile that spreads slowly over his face, and Suga can feel his heart catch. He walks over to Daichi and stands beside him, their shoulders nearly touching. “This is perfect,” he says, looking out at their teammates. And then he looks back at Daichi. “Well done, captain.” 

Daichi nods once. “Well done, vice-captain.” Their eyes hold - not breathless, not desperate, just steady and solid and full of their long friendship. Until Daichi nods again, and Suga smiles, and they head back to the court for another set. 

When they’re through, Suga, Daichi and Asahi stand embracing in their own mini-huddle. Heads together, arms around each other’s shoulders, watching their feet on the ground. Suga feels Asahi’s shoulders shake, and notices that tears are sliding down his own face, and feels Daichi’s hand clutch hard at his shoulder. Suga lets himself cry - the rule against it seems to be temporarily broken. They stay like that, in their bubble of friendship and loss, until their breathing steadies. 

Eventually, Daichi says, “Asahi.” 

A sniff. “Yeah?”

“Is Nishinoya going to talk about your ass that much every time we play together?”

“Oh my god.” Asahi shakes his head. “I’m never going to be able to look Coach in the eye again.”

“Hold on,” says Suga. “How much of that was true?” 

Asahi just stares at the ground, his face getting redder and redder. 

“Holy shit. You’ve been together like a week, how would you even have  _ time _ ?”

“Um. Well…. Hisparentsareoutoftown.” Asahi finishes in a mumble.

A brief, shocked silence, in which Suga has time to feel his face heat up as the reality sinks in: his friends are having sex. If Noya is to be believed, a  _ lot _ of sex.

Daichi claps Asahi hard on the shoulder, looking at him intently. “I am so proud of you. But I do not need that many details.”

Suga interjects. “Okay, but I do! We have talked  _ several times _ , how am I just finding out about this?” Asahi squirms and Suga takes pity. “Fine, we’ll spare Daichi, but don’t think this gets you out of filling me in later.”

“God. What further detail could you possibly want.” Despite his blush, Asahi is smiling. And when he returns to Noya, he wraps his arms around the libero from behind and bends down to kiss his cheek.

Suga and Daichi exchange a can-you-believe-it look, eyebrows raised and mouths open. “Wow,” mouths Suga. 

“Good god,” says Daichi at the same time. They laugh. “Sooo. Asahi has a sex life.”

“Um, yeah.”  _ Are he and Daichi really going to stand here and talk about sex? _ “Like, a pretty adventurous one?”

“Right?! This from a guy who’s scared of thunder.”

Suga snickers. “You think Nishinoya does Rolling Thunder in the bedroom?” 

“Wouldn’t put it past him. Huh.” Daichi sounds thoughtful. “It makes a lot more sense when you think of it as  _ Noya’s _ sex life.” Suga laughs again. It does, actually. 

In a different voice, Daichi says, “Hey, Suga.”

“Yeah?”

“You and Asahi - you talk about this stuff?” Daichi squirms. “Like...details?”

“I  _ thought _ we did. But - yeah. We were the only gay people we knew, for a long time. We had to kindof...figure a lot of stuff out, and we only had each other to talk to.”

“But...you weren’t…”

“ _ No _ . Never.”  _ I had already met you _ .

After a pause, Daichi says, “We’ve talked, a little.”

Curiosity roars through Suga and he tamps it down quickly. “Asahi’s good to talk to.” 

“Yeah. It’s been….really helpful.”

_ What did you talk about, was it gay stuff, are you gay now, do you want to make out, maybe do some of what Asahi has been doing?  _ The idea that Asahi is no longer a virgin sits heavy in his mind. As though, by mere proximity, sex has been added to the menu of things Suga could actually do. With Daichi.  _ We should be doing that stuff _ , he thinks.

What Suga says is, “Good.”

When Noya and Tanaka start roughhousing, Asahi comes to stand beside him. “How’d you like your game?,” he asks softly.

“It was great. I - it was great to play with you again. Yours?”

Asahi smiles. “It wasn’t my game.”

“Huh?”

“Suga.” Asahi turns to stare at him. “Daichi’s been playing with me all year. And you know he respects Kageyama, but...he missed you. This was for you. He did this so he could play with you.” 

A lump is forming in Suga’s throat. “Damnit, Asahi.”

Asahi doesn’t let up. “Whatever else is happening, you mean the world to him. You know that.” Suga nods, not trusting himself to speak. He thinks of Daichi, that first night, saying  _ ‘I felt like the fucking world was ending.’ _

His eyes rest on his friend.  _ Maybe _ , he thinks. Maybe they can still find a way forward, some way that won’t break Suga’s heart.

***

Noya and Tanaka have managed to wrangle the entire group to get dinner later, after a break for everyone to go home and change. Asahi and Noya leave together, hands entwined, and most of the second-years fade away soon after. Daichi and Suga lean against a wall and watch the first-years clean up. Achingly familiar equipment is put away, piece by piece. Perhaps the last time Suga will see it. When Tsukishima starts untying the net, Suga says “I can’t watch” at the same time that Daichi says “Let’s go.” 

They stand outside in the afternoon sun, not talking, not looking at each other. Blinking almost-tears from their eyes and almost-sobs from their throats.

“Wow,” says Daichi eventually. “I didn’t think about that last part being hard.”

“Me neither. Like, we’ll see everyone in” - Suga checks his phone - “two hours.”

“I guess...I should get going.”

“Hey.” At Suga’s call, Daichi half-turns. “Thank you. For today. I loved it.”  _ I love you. _

Daichi nods. He looks like he wants to say something, but just turns and walks quickly down the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, who WRITES this sentimental crap?!! :D 
> 
> Also, I didn't have space in this scene for Coach Ukai's reaction to "Asahi and Nishinoya in action," but here's how it goes in my head: Coach finds the trash talk hilarious, but thinks he shouldn't be laughing because he doesn't want to encourage that kind of behavior, but he completely fails to hide it and ends up laughing so hard he's practically crying.


	5. on purpose

Dinner is crowded. They end up smashing six people into a four-person booth, which is how Suga ends up trapped in a corner, his side pressed up against Daichi, with both of them penned in by Ennoshita. Asahi sits across from them, next to Noya and Tanaka.

There is no personal space. Suga’s arm is pressed against Daichi’s from shoulder to elbow; he can feel the bone of Daichi’s hip against his; their thighs press together to the knee. Across the table, Asahi is smirking. “Comfortable?” he asks Suga, quietly. Asahi certainly looks comfortable; he and Nishinoya have solved the space problem by nestling Noya into half of Asahi’s chest

Suga glowers, then risks a glance at Daichi, who seems to have joined Noya and Tanaka in a discussion about college volleyball. He leans forward a little to say to Asahi, “If this were a week ago, you’d be having a heart attack.”

Asahi leans forward as well, still smirking, and says in an even lower voice, “I’d be having something all right.”

Suga only half-swallows his burst of laughter. “Holy shit. When did you get so dirty?” He hopes Asahi can tell it’s a compliment.

Noya, who Suga could have sworn was fully focused on Tanaka, turns his head briefly towards them. “Mostly since me,” he says casually, and returns to his other conversation. Asahi shrugs and nods. 

When their server comes over, Noya doesn’t move from Asahi’s chest, and Suga watches carefully, but the server doesn’t even blink - just cheerfully accepts the ordering chaos that is an entire volleyball team. Beside him, he can feel, rather than hear, Daichi’s small sigh of relief. Suga turns his head slightly towards Daichi and pitches his voice low. “Yeah.” Daichi bumps his shoulder in acknowledgement.

“Awww, captains, were you worried about me?” Noya’s voice is loud from across the table, and they both look up to see Noya’s smug smile. “Don’t worry, they know me here.”

They respond at the same time. Daichi, cooly, with “Then it’s a miracle we got in.” Suga, sarcastically, with “And they still let you in?”

“Hey!” Noya tilts his head uncomfortably backwards to give Asahi an inverted stare. “You gonna let them gang up on me like that?”

“Yes.” Asahi’s tone is scathing but his smile is fond.

“Fine.” Noya shifts his gaze back to Daichi and Suga, a little too intent. “I can defend myself.” His eyes flick back and forth between them with a dangerous gleam. And then he turns back to his conversation with Tanaka.

Suga doesn’t know whether to brace himself for a food fight or what, but when their dinner comes and Noya transfers it to his mouth instead of to Suga and Daichi’s faces, Suga begins to relax. He’s almost, slightly, gotten used to the press of Daichi against his side. 

Noya and Asahi share food comfortably, easily. Once again, Suga feels a brief pang at their intimacy, and he could almost swear that Noya sees it. Was waiting for it. Was making sure that Suga was watching. Then Noya looks up at Asahi. “Hey. You’ve got something. C’mere.” Noya reaches up with his thumb, rubs a smear of sauce from the corner of Asahi’s mouth, and Asahi’s lips part. Slowly, deliberately, Noya hold’s Asahi’s eyes while he sucks the sauce from his thumb. Suga can’t miss the quick rise and fall of Asahi’s shoulders as he sucks in a fast, silent breath. He feels Daichi shift beside him.

Then Noya glances across the table - at Daichi? - and  _ winks _ ..

“Jesus, Noya, can you keep it in your pants? I’m sitting right here.” Suga thinks he’s never been so grateful for Tanaka’s straighforwardness. He drops his gaze to the table. There’s a spot of sauce on Daichi’s thumb. _ Dammit, Noya. _ Suga bites his lip.

The mood across the table has shifted slightly. Asahi’s conversation slows, and his gaze keeps landing on Nishinoya’s hands. Noya presses his shoulder into Asahi’s chest; Asahi’s fingers on Noya’s shoulder take on a new rhythm. Hardly enough to notice, but...Suga notices.

Suga remembers, earlier that day, how the mere possibility of Asahi having sex had translated to ‘ _ maybe I can have a sex life too. _ ’ And now that sex life, or at least the prelude to it, is playing out across the table. 

Worse still, he can feel that Daichi’s breathing is quicker. 

Did Noya do this on  _ purpose _ ?

“Jesus,” says Daichi under his breath, but his head is tilted towards Suga, and Suga knows he’s meant to hear. “Was that directed at us?”

“He said he could defend himself.”

“I’m not sure this is a proportional response.” 

Suga snorts. “Yeah, ‘cause keeping things in proportion is what Noya is known for.” 

“I give up. I surrender. Noya is the king of cool, and I’m -” Daichi’s eyes meet Suga’s. He swallows, and shows no sign of finishing his sentence.

“You’re what?” Suga’s whispering the words before he can think. 

Daichi shakes his head, but holds eye contact. “Not here, okay?” 

_ Oh yay. Rehashing the topic, now with new & improved sexual tension. _ And yet, Suga is pulled in as though by a magnet. “Walk me home?” he says, and it comes out low and inviting. 

Daichi flushes and nods.

_ So. Royally. Screwed. _

***

They wait until goodnights have been said and they’re out of sight of the volleyball team before they speak. The silence isn’t awkward, just loaded, as they walk along without speaking. Most of the businesses around them are closed, and the street is quiet.

“So.” Daichi’s voice startles him. “Do you want to talk?” 

Suga stops walking, and tries to see Daichi’s face in the dim light. He’s tired and suddenly impatient. “You know, not really.”

“Me neither.” Daichi steps close, and this wasn’t what Suga had meant, wasn’t what he had intended.  _ Was it? _

Suga feels a brush on his arm, and then Daichi is lifting his hand by the fingers, running his thumb over Suga’s knuckles, and all of Suga’s  _ wait _ is replaced by  _ now, yes, now _ . Daichi raises Suga’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles one by one. It’s tantalizing. It drives the breath from Suga’s body. Drives his hand to slide across Daichi’s waist, press against his back.

Daichi lifts one hand to Suga’s face, rubs his thumb across Suga’s lips. Then he fastens their mouths together. 

Heat blooms instantly between them. Daichi clutches the back of Suga’s head, controlling their kiss, his lips hard and demanding. Suga opens his mouth eagerly to the press of Daichi’s tongue; Daichi’s answering groan is hungry and desperate. 

It’s overwhelming, and Suga lets himself be overwhelmed. Daichi’s hands are insistent: in Suga’s hair, on his back, on his waist. Suga hardly notices as Daichi pulls him into the shadow of a dark shop doorway, because all the time they are kissing, sharp urgent kisses that end in gasps, in moans, in Daichi’s head thrown back and Suga’s mouth on his throat. 

_ This will hurt, later _ is Suga’s one clear thought.  _ Every time this happens it hurts a little more. _ Except he can’t get his brain to care, or maybe he can’t get his body to care, because Daichi is pressed against him, breathing hard, and all Suga can feel is  _ want want want _ . Three years of want, unraveling in a dark doorway, and Suga is unraveling with it.

Unraveling because Suga slips his fingers beneath the hem of Daichi’s shirt and strokes his hands along Daichi’s waist. Along the skin of Daichi’s waist. Skin he’s seen a thousand times, under jerseys and in locker rooms, and never touched, and now his fingers skate along Daichi’s waistband, and Daichi’s breath comes in shaking, shuddering gasps.

Unraveling because finally, finally, after three years, finally, Daichi’s hands are on Suga’s ass, gripping him tightly through the denim of his jeans. Their hips grind together, and the whole world has narrowed to the contact between them.

Unraveling because Daichi buries his face in Suga’s neck and gasps his name, sobs his name, as he comes. 

***

They are both stupid-tired. Their walk home is a blur. Hardly any words are exchanged, but they hold hands, tightly, fingers intertwined. When they reach the point where their ways part, they stop walking and just stand there. Staring at the street corner as though it were impassable.

Eventually Daichi says “I have to go home.” But he grips Suga’s hand tighter.

“We have to. We have to sleep. I’m about to fall down.” Suga doesn’t let go.

Daichi does. He flexes his fingers and lets Suga’s hand drop.

Suga’s hand feels cold all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Noya definitely did it on purpose.
> 
> Also, guys, come on. You know you have to walk home in those pants?


	6. better than you know yourself

Next morning Suga is achy and sore from volleyball. He checks his phone. Nothing, and his heart falls.  _ What were you hoping for _ , he asks himself wryly. But the answer is simply,  _ Daichi. _ Nothing specific. Just Daichi. Talking to him, touching him, or just being near him. Just Daichi.

_ I knew it was going to hurt, later. _

**Suga** : Are you up?   
(long pause)   
**Suga:** Text me when you can, okay?

The waiting is terrible; he pulls up Asahi’s chat.

**Suga:** Are you awake?  
**Asahi:** Yes  
**Suga:** Can you call me?  
**Asahi:** Can we text? Noya’s still asleep  
**Suga:** Holy crap  
**Suga:** Are you in BED together?  
**Asahi:** ...yes  
**Suga:** You SLEEP together?  
**Suga:** I just mean, sleeping.  
**Asahi:** I know. But... yes to both??  
**Suga:** Wow

Suga’s torn - should he press pause on his Daichi questions, and see if he can get Asahi to talk about Noya? But Asahi makes the decision for him.

**Asahi:** Are you okay?  
**Suga:** Yeah. Just some things….happened last night.  
**Asahi:** Like what things?  
**Suga:** We made out. And it got...really heavy.  
**Asahi:** ! How heavy?

Suga thinks of the crackling heat of Daichi against him. The broken way Daichi said his name. Exactly how is he supposed to find words for it?

**Asahi:** Sorry, you don’t have to tell me  
**Suga:** No, I want to, I just don’t know how.   
**Suga:** Like, all the way heavy? But with our clothes on.

Suga’s phone rings. Asahi.

There’s loud, triumphant laughter in the background when he picks up, and he ends up answering with “Um?”

Asahi sounds sheepish. “Ah - Noya’s awake now.” (Suga’s pretty sure he hears Noya shouting “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” Followed by a hiss of “Shut  _ up _ , Yuu!”)

“Asahi, what the hell.”

“I really - I didn’t tell him. He just heard me and kindof figured it out.”

“How, exactly?”

“I said ‘Oh My God’ a couple of times. And then he was like, ‘Are you texting Suga?’ And he just knew.”

“Oh shit.” Suga wonders if the whole team drew the same conclusion, when they all said goodbye last night. “How obvious were we?”

“Um, not? Really. I don’t know how he knew.”

Suga thinks of that wink. “Bastard.”

“So….what happened?” Asahi correctly interprets Suga’s hesitation. “Don’t worry, he’s gone.”

“We just - okay. Don’t make fun. He said ‘do you want to talk’ and I said ‘no’ and he said ‘me neither’ and then….” He swallows. “It just happened.”

“So...what happened to ‘taking a break from the physical stuff’?”

“I don’t know. I know I said it just happened, but he definitely started it. It was pretty... ” his memory flashes to Daichi’s insistent hands, “um, intense.”

“Did you talk after?” Asahi sounds troubled.

“Not really. We walked home and we held hands.”

“But it was….okay? You were okay?”

“Yeah. More than okay. Incredible.” 

“Good.” Asahi sounds more relieved than Suga expects; a second later he says hesitantly, “I was really overwhelmed, the first time.”

“Oh! Shit.” Suga winces at himself. “Sorry, dumb thing to say. So...was there something bad about it? Or was it just a lot?”

“Not bad, nothing like that. It was great. I know Noya seems, you know, I know how he acts, but. He’s really great. I guess it  _ was _ just a lot. Anyway, I was kindof a mess and that was with Noya  _ right there _ .” 

“We had..a little of that. The first night.” 

Asahi laughs gently. “Is it weird that that makes me feel better?”

“Nope.”

After a pause, Asahi asks, “Have you talked to him today?”

“I texted him. Haven’t heard anything.”

“Ouch. Oh man, Suga, I gotta go, I think Noya’s cooking.” 

“And that’s no good?”

“Might be fine, might be disastrous. Look, keep me updated, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks for...everything. It’s good to talk to you.”

They say goodbye. Suga stares at his phone. No calls. No messages.

What  _ did _ happen to ‘taking a break from how physical things had been?’ Was Daichi done with that break? Or just overtired and swept up in the moment?  _ What the fuck was happening?  _ Whatever it was, his silent phone could not be a good sign.

It’s Monday; Suga’s parents are working; the house is quiet. Suga showers and is listlessly eating cereal when the doorbell rings. And then he’s staring at Daichi on his doorstep. 

It’s achingly familiar, to see Daichi on his doorstep, they’ve met for study sessions and runs (ugh) and informal volleyball practice. His first reaction is reflexive - delight, mixed with an aching stab of want. The long-practiced emotions of being hopelessly in love with your best friend.

And yet, everything is different. Suga’s eyes trace familiar paths of longing - hair, lips, neck, hands, shoulders - and find not wishes, but memories. Soft hair on his fingers; cool skin under his lips and his hands; Daichi’s mouth on his knuckles. 

_ Everything is different _ , he thinks, and it’s thrilling and sad and delightful and terrifying, terrifying, terrifying. 

Neither of them have spoken. Suga tries to imagine saying ‘Hi’ and it sounds too stupid for words. Eventually Daichi swallows, takes a breath, and says helplessly, urgently: 

“My fucking phone died.” 

Laughter, heavily tinged with relief, bubbles to the top of Suga’s conflicting reactions. “Will you just get in here?” Daichi steps through the door, takes off his shoes (so familiar) and then stands nervously, expectantly, lips parted, his eyes analytical on Suga’s face. So different. 

He wants to dive into Daichi’s arms. Instead he says “C’mon” and heads back to the kitchen table. 

Daichi, from behind him: “Uh - do you have a phone charger?”

“I thought you - wait. Are you just out of battery?”

“I forgot to plug it in last night,” Daichi says, as though it were obvious. 

Suga stares at him. “You came all the way here rather than just charging your phone?”

Daichi stares back, and finally just says “Yes.”

_ I knew it was going to hurt, later. Shit, I love him so much. _ Suga waves his hand. “That corner.”

Daichi plugs in and then sits across the small table from Suga. 

Suga has to fight the sensation that this is stupid, conversation is stupid, that the house is empty and his  _ bed _ is upstairs - Suga takes a deep breath. “So.”

Daichi swallows nervously, and meets Suga’s eyes across the table. He doesn’t say anything.

_ Okay, I guess I’m starting _ . Suga’s heart is pounding erratically, as though it’s beating in threes instead of twos:  _ I love you, I love you, I love you. _ But his voice, when he speaks, is totally calm.  _ How am I so calm? _ “This is, um, escalating.” He checks Daichi for a response; Daichi nods but still doesn’t speak. Suga continues. “And last time we talked, you said you….didn’t want that. So I guess I’m...looking for an update.”

“That’s fair.” Daichi’s voice is steady; he draws a deep breath. “I’ve changed my mind about that, Suga. I don’t know - what you’re thinking. Where you’re at. But we’ve got like two weeks left and I don’t want to waste it.” Daichi starts to sound choked up. “I don’t want to lose you.”

_ Shit. _ Better address that first. “That  _ will not _ happen,” Suga says forcefully. “Whatever happens between us. I think you know how much you mean to me. Whatever our relationship ends up being. We’re - we’re permanent. You will  _ never _ lose me.”

Daichi blinks rapidly. Suga struggles to keep his head cool, and is grateful that his preternatural calmness still seems to have control of his voice. “That’s - there’s no condition on our friendship. Even if things get awkward, even if I don’t call for a couple days, even if we never kiss again, even if you marry Michimiya. You’re not going to lose me. You don’t need to be worried about that.” 

“I know,” says Daichi, shakily.  _ No you don’t _ , thinks Suga.  _ Shit, I really fucked that up, I needed to have said that sooner. Days ago. Before the sex and the friendship and the leaving got all mixed up somehow. _

Daichi somehow reads his mind, and asks, “Is that what you think this has been about?”

“Um...sortof?” Daichi looks at him expectantly, and Suga struggles to find the right words. “I think...it kindof feels like we’re losing  _ everything _ . High school is over and volleyball is over and we’re moving away, and we’re leaving our friends and each other and it’s just - really sad and scary. But, like, I’m not a security blanket.” Suga feels his calm and coherence slipping, as emotions clog his throat and his thinking: fear, and frustration.

Daichi looks unhappy. “Explain that, please.”

Suga takes a deep breath through the fog of his feelings. “It’s the - the thing you don’t need until you get scared. You can’t hold onto me to make everything else less scary. It’s not fair, and it won’t work. Scary is just how it is, right now. Making out with me is not going to fix everything for you.”

The emotional temperature in the room is rising; Daichi’s voice is low when he answers. Low and angry. It’s a strange contrast with his words: “I would  _ never _ . Do that. To you.” And then hurt creeps in with the anger. “You really think I would do that to you?”

Suga’s calm snaps. All his calm from the conversation snaps, all his calm from the last week just snaps, and he rolls his eyes, he actually rolls his eyes, and he can tell that it’s cruel but he still does it. “Haven’t you? Aren’t you? Why have you been kissing me, Daichi? What was going on last night? I can’t take this. I can’t be the way you work out all your fears about the future.” 

“That is  _ not _ ,” Daichi says, and then stops. He’s shaking his head, and for half a second Suga thinks that Daichi might cry. But instead - 

“God  _ damn _ it!” he shouts. “Is that really what you think? Did I say anything  _ like _ that?” He’s angry, red-hot angry, and it’s so different from his usual ice-cold fury that Suga flinches. Daichi flinches then too, and some of his anger drains away. “Sorry, I’m sorry about that. But will you  _ please _ stop telling me how I feel?”

Suga blinks.  _ Shit. Oops. _ So he nods. “You’re right,” he whispers.

“ _ Thank _ you.” Daichi takes an exasperated, shaky breath. “Jesus, Suga.” That phrasing again - Suga flashes, vividly, to that moment in Daichi’s yard, pulling away from their kiss to see fear in Daichi’s eyes. He shakes off the memory, pulls himself back to the present, because Daichi is looking hard at his face. “Can we  _ talk _ about this?” 

Suga nods.

“ _ Thank _ you,” Daichi says again. “Let’s start over. Please. Tell me what you think is going on.”

Suga feels suddenly tired. Emotion no longer chokes him; he’s more drained than calm, now. “I think...you hate change. And everything’s changing. I think you want to hold onto me as tight as you can. However you can. So tight that maybe it’s hard to figure out what you’re feeling.”

Daichi looks a little shaken, and Suga knows he’s struck a nerve.  _ I know you _ , he thinks.  _ Better than you know yourself sometimes. _ Suga presses on. “You said it yourself, you don’t want to lose me.”

“I don’t.” It’s a whisper, but no less intent.

“And you’re sure that’s not driving this for you?”

Daichi looks at him. Bites his bottom lip. Doesn’t speak.

Pain, and vindication; twin knives in his heart.  _ I knew this was going to hurt. _ Suga is so, so gentle when he speaks again. “It’s okay. You don’t have to figure this out right now. But I think - we can’t be physical or - or romantic without answering this.” He looks down at the table. “By which I mean, I can’t.”

“Why not.” Daichi sounds stiff and forced, like he’s asking the question because he thinks he has to, but there’s still a tight urgency in his voice. Suga’s going to have to answer. He’s going to have to answer and it’s going to make everything so much worse. 

He stares at the table, fidgets with his fingernails.  _ Where is all this calmness coming from? _ “Because I - because I really like you. I have for a while. This is just too - confusing. I can be friends, but…I can’t be friends with benefits.”  _ A cop-out, but maybe it’s enough of the truth. _ Suga finally looks up.

Daichi is staring at him. His mouth hangs open; his breath comes slightly too quick . The seconds stretch long between them before Daichi answers. “That’s fair,” he says.

Suga’s heart sinks further, but his calm does not desert him. “Okay.” He waits a beat, but Daichi doesn’t seem to have anything to add. “I might need to be alone now.”

“Oh. That’s fair. Okay.” A pause. “We stay in touch. Right?”

“Right,” says Suga. 

“We don’t just stop talking?” 

Suga tries to be reassuring. “We stay in touch.”

“Okay.” Daichi collects his phone, and his shoes, and then he’s gone. 

***

**Suga:** I told him.  
**Asahi:** And?  
**Suga:** No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look this is my story, and in my story these boys are domestic af.
> 
> (Also Asahi, don't lie. When Suga texted you about last night you made the literal sound of "squee" and then you sat up so fast that you kicked Noya in the leg and woke him up.)


	7. sure

Two hours later, Suga is sitting in a coffee shop with Asahi and Nishinoya.

“I’m not sure that counts,” Asahi is saying.

“It’s close enough,” counters Noya. He’s waving a piece of pastry for emphasis. “Daichi knew what he was responding to.”

“Did he though? You know it sometimes takes him a while to think through the implications of stuff. Especially when he’s trying really hard to make the responsible choice.”

Noya is scornful. “I think the implications of ‘I really like you and I have for a while’ are pretty clear.” 

Asahi shakes his head. “If it were out of the blue, maybe. But they’ve already been...seeing each other. In that context, ‘I really like you’ is different from ‘I love you.’” Asahi smiles at Noya, a soft smile full of secrets. Noya’s whole face changes - he loses all his gleeful combativeness. He looks...well, he looks like he’s in love.

Suga’s still not used to this sweet, gentle version of Noya. Protective, sure. Loyal, definitely. But gentle...Suga wonders if being with Asahi  _ makes _ Noya sweet, or if Noya was sweet all along and Asahi just brings it out in him. Either way, it seems to be working out. As far as he can tell, Noya’s a great boyfriend.

And a great friend too, actually. Asahi had offered to come alone, but had urged Suga to try meeting with both of them. “He’s great to have around when you’re sad,” Asahi had said on the phone to a skeptical Suga. “And if he starts driving you crazy, we’ll just send him away. He won’t mind.”

Suga had not ended up wanting to send Noya away. In fact, Noya is being surprisingly supportive - cheerful and protective, in counterpoint to Asahi’s quiet sympathy.

Noya’s eyes turn back towards Suga. “Anyway, I’m proud of you.”

Suga wrinkles his nose. “For what?”

“For saying something. For standing up for yourself! You’re not that good at it.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“He’s kinda right, though,” Asahi interjects. “I mean, about standing up for yourself. I mean! Sorry. You  _ should _ be proud, though.”

“Thanks,” says Suga, sincerely this time.

Noya looks up at Asahi. “What do you mean, ‘kinda’ right?”

Suga tries to surreptitiously check his phone for the thousandth time. He feels like an idiot - stay in touch could mean anything, but for some reason he keeps expecting - 

“Give it,” says Noya, and snatches Suga’s phone.

“Hey,” Suga protests softly.

“Take a break, man. If he calls, we’re letting him stew in it.” Noya looks at Asahi. “You have a problem with this?”

Asahi considers. “No, actually.” Noya gives Suga a small shrug, as though Asahi is the ultimate authority, and stuffs Suga’s phone somewhere out of sight, under the table.

It actually is easier to relax, without his phone. 

Until he hears the telltale buzz of his muted phone receiving a call.

Apparently the phone is on the seat between Asahi and Noya. Asahi looks at the number, then puts the phone back down.

Suga tries to go back to the story he was telling about his cousins.

More buzzing. Another call or a lot of texts.

Eventually Asahi looks at it and purses his lips. Pulled by his attention, Noya glances down, and his eyebrows shoot up. They exchange a brief, inscrutable look.

_ Ding. _ A text message sound, but Suga’s phone is still muted. Asahi pulls his phone out of his coat pocket.  _ Ding. Ding. Ding. _

Asahi hands his phone to Noya. Noya reads quickly, and says “Yeah, okay” before handing it back.

Asahi looks at Suga. “You know who it is. Do you want your phone?”

Suga gives Asahi a wry smile. A familiar smile, one they have given each other a thousand times, one that means ‘ _ I know it’s hopeless but what can I do? _ ’ Asahi recognizes it, and smiles gently back. He hands Suga his phone. Then he leans back and puts his arm around Noya.

Daichi: Are you home?  
Daichi: I’m coming over.

Missed call.

Daichi: Suga.  
Daichi: You’re probably not home.  
Daichi: I’d really like to talk to you.  
Daichi: Please pick up.

Missed call.

Suga looks up at Asahi, torn between hope and panic. 

Noya grabs Asahi’s phone, unlocks it quickly ( _ wow, okay _ ) and hands it to Suga.

Daichi to Asahi: Do you know where Suga is?   
Daichi to Asahi: Or is he ignoring me?  
Daichi to Asahi: I need to talk to him.  
Daichi to Asahi: Please.

Suga hands Asahi’s phone back with his heart in his throat.

“Go.” It’s Noya’s voice, surprisingly gentle.

Suga goes.

***

Asahi: He's headed home  
Asahi: Don't fuck this up asshole  
Asahi: Sorry that was Noya  
Asahi: You're not an asshole

Daichi: Tell him I don't plan to.

***

Suga: I’m on my way home.

Daichi’s typing indicator blinks on and off for too long before Suga finally sees:

Daichi: I’m here.

Suga runs. He didn’t exactly decide to, but he jogs across a street and doesn’t stop jogging. 

He’s grateful that this last year of volleyball keeps him from being too winded when he finally approaches his house, to see Daichi sitting on the front steps. Daichi’s brow is furrowed when he looks up, but his face changes as Suga approaches.

“You  _ ran _ ?” Daichi is grinning in amazement, but there’s something else there too, something that keeps Suga’s heart pounding as he unlocks the door.

For the second time that day, Suga says “Get in here.”

They kick off shoes and face each other. “So,” says Suga, again for the second time that day.

This time Daichi speaks quickly. Eagerly. “Suga. You’re wrong. I’m wrong. Whoever. Just - it’s wrong.”

Suga’s not getting it. “What?”

“All that crap you said before. About you being a security blanket, and me wanting to hold onto you because I’m afraid of change. That is one hundred percent bullshit. That is not what’s happening. At all.”

“That’s not what you thought a few hours ago.”

Some of the forcefulness leaves Daichi, but the intensity remains. “I know. I got turned around, a little, when you said it was all based on fear. You were...pretty convincing, and it freaked me the fuck out, ‘cause I wanted to be sure, and it’s true that I’ve been terrified. You were right about that part. But not about losing your friendship. Well, I mean, a little - ah.” 

Daichi breathes out in frustration and tries again. He’s taking deep breaths, as though each phrase takes incredible effort to say. “The thing is. What’s got me scared. Jesus. Suga. I just - I’m just so fucking in love with you that I can’t even see straight.”

Suga swears there’s a moment when his heart stops, before it begins to pound so hard that there’s a roaring in his ears. Still, he manages to step forward into Daichi’s space. Look hard into his eyes. “Daichi,” he says. “Oh, fuck. Say that again.”

No frills this time. Daichi meets Suga’s gaze head-on. “I love you.”

Suddenly Suga feels like his legs will barely hold him. He grabs two fistfuls of Daichi’s shirt and lowers his head to rest on Daichi’s chest. “Say it again,” he almost sobs, and now Daichi’s arms are around him.

Daichi presses his face into Suga’s neck. “I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Suga. You have no idea.”

Suga slides his hands around Daichi’s back, clutches him close. “Oh my god, Daichi.” He’s still half-sobbing. “Oh my god. I love you so much. I love you so much.”

Daichi, still with his face pressed into Suga’s shoulder, is nodding his head.  _ Yes.Yes Yes.. _

***

They hold each other, until desperation fades into giddy, giggling relief. They laugh, and then they kiss - slow, loving, leisurely kisses, open-mouthed and open-hearted. Smiling into each other’s eyes. They kiss until melting warmth changes to liquid heat, and their kisses grow urgent and breathless, and finally Daichi says in a shaky voice, “Let’s go upstairs.” Suga nods wordlessly, and takes Daichi’s hand, and leads the way.

The walk seems endless. Enough time for his conscious mind to kick in, enough time for  _ ‘holy shit, holy shit, this is real, this is happening _ ’ to change to  _ ‘Shit, I think I made my bed but did I pick up my clothes? When did I last change my sheets? What exactly are we about to DO? What is Daichi ready for?’  _ This last thought nearly stops him cold, because while this might be a first for both of them, Suga has more time to get used to the idea. A  _ lot _ more time.

_ Better go slow,  _ he has time to think. And then he’s pulling them both through the door of his room, and Daichi kicks it shut behind them, and they’re alone. In his room. With his bed.

It’s awkward, for a few moments, with neither of them sure where to look or how to start. Then Daichi tugs on their still-clasped hands. “C’mere,” he says, and pulls Suga close against him. “C’mere” he says again, softly, into Suga’s ear. Suga takes a deep breath and lets some of his nervousness bleed away. He presses a few nuzzling kisses into Daichi’s neck and is rewarded with a soft “hmmm,” and his mind moves back to the present moment.

Some parts are easy: Melting into each other’s kisses. The glide of their hands across each other’s backs. Pulling their t-shirts over their heads in long-practiced motions, although it’s strange to just stand there, skin bare, instead of immediately pulling on jerseys. So strange, in fact, that Suga can barely believe that he actually has permission to touch. “Can I?” he breathes, and waits for Daichi’s nod before laying his hands flat on Daichi’s chest, and then running his hands over shoulders, ribcage, stomach. 

Some parts are awkward, like when Suga draws his thumb across Daichi’s nipple and Daichi snickers, ticklish. The simple act of sitting down onto a bed. And the moment, some time later, when Daichi’s mouth skims down Suga’s stomach and nuzzles at the waist of his jeans,  _ oh shit oh shit _ , and a second later Suga realizes that he’s said this out loud. Yelled it, more like. But that’s not the awkward part.

The awkward part is when Daichi’s fingers come up to fumble with the button of Suga’s pants, and  _ god _ , they are not going slow _ at all _ , and Suga manages to choke out “Wait -” and it’s too loud, and Daichi pulls back too quick, and looks up in alarm. 

Suga looks at Daichi, who looks worried and guilty and slightly hurt. How can he say this, how can he say that while he wants this, desperately, he’s worried that Daichi’s fledgeling interest in being with guys, in being with _ him _ , won’t survive a too-fast encounter. 

“Daichi,” he manages to say, “are you - are you  _ sure _ ?” He hears the desperation in his own voice and sees the layers of what he is trying to ask. Yes, he wants to ask about this, here, now, but also -  _ Are you sure this life is what you want? Are you sure you want me? _

Daichi’s face clears, guilt and hurt fading, leaving only warm concern. He wriggles up, awkwardly, so that their faces are once again level. Looks into Suga’s eyes and nods, and Suga knows Daichi has heard all the layers of his question. Heard them all and is answering, now, with this. Daichi cups Suga’s face in his hand, gently drawing his thumb across Suga’s cheek. He nods again, and then says firmly, urgently: “ _ Yes _ .”

And Suga kisses him, and hears the answering moan in Daichi’s throat, feels the press of Daichi against him, and wonders how he could have doubted.

And so the rest is easy, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. This is the bulk of the story, y'all - the last chapter is really just an epilogue so I'll be posting that really soon.


	8. epilogue

Two and a half weeks later they are lying in Daichi’s side yard, all four of them. Their heads are pillowed on each other’s stomachs: Suga on Daichi, Asahi on Suga, Nishinoya on Asahi. 

“When are you coming back?” says Noya, out of the blue. He’s probably talking to Suga.

Because Suga is leaving in the morning.

“July I guess? End of the first semester.”

Noya makes a dismissive sound. “Too long. Come back for Interhigh.”

It’s possible. Suga’s only an hour and a half away by train. “Maybe,” he says, but he feels a rush of certainty. He wants to see the new team play; wants to see Hinata and Kageyama grow into their full strength. “Maybe, yeah.” 

Noya says, “Daichi? You too?”

Daichi makes a “Hmmm” of uncertainty. He’s further - his train back to Miyagi will be two and a half hours.  _ But only an hour from me _ , thinks Suga. It sounds close and far at the same time. “I’m not sure I should,” Daichi says finally. “Ennoshita needs time to settle in. He can’t do that with me looking over his shoulder.”

“Ha!” Nishinoya is dismissive. “What ‘over his shoulder,’ you’ll be up in the stands. And anyway, he’s settling in  _ fine _ . In fact...” Noya’s comic rundown of Ennoshita as captain has them all cracking up, jostling each other with their laughter. But Suga feels Daichi touch his shoulder, pat down his arm, and then finally grasp his hand. Tight. Suga squeezes back. Tight. 

***

Suga leaves with his mom and a stuffed-full car, early the next morning.

Daichi, Asahi and Noya are there to see him off, and Suga wonders when, in the last two weeks, it somehow became “the four of them.” But it has, and it’s nice. 

Suga and Daichi haven’t told their parents - so they don’t kiss, they don’t hold hands, they just stand close to each other. But Asahi has his arm around Noya, and is stroking his shoulder absently with his thumb, and Suga desperately wants to see how his parents are reacting, except that he can’t bear to look away from Daichi. 

“Three weeks,” Daichi murmurs to him. The length of time they’ve agreed to wait before visiting each other. Enough time to settle in and get their bearings, and guess whose sensible, responsible plan _ this _ is? But Suga knows that Daichi’s right. He’s looking forward to exploring his new world, except that he also _ hates _ it right now.

“Three weeks,” says Suga, and he’s clinging to it like a lifeline.

“Honey, we gotta go.” No more delays. It’s real.

Suga hugs them each in turn. 

_ Noya. _ “Look out for the team, okay? We’re counting on you.” Noya nods, seriously, and Suga thinks,  _ he’ll do it. _

_ Asahi. _ They are both crying, a little, and Suga doesn’t think he’ll be able to speak, but Asahi says “You’d better text me every five minutes or I’m coming to get you.”

And Suga laughs, and nods, and says “Every five minutes,” and hopes that Asahi knows this means ‘I’ll miss you and I love you.’

_ Daichi. _ They are silent; they’ve already said what needs saying. But both their eyes are red when they pull away, and Daichi whispers, “It might have to be two weeks.” 

Suga nods, and (greatly daring) leans forward to rest his head on Daichi’s chest for one brief moment, before he gets in the car.

***

They make it three weeks. College is busy and overwhelming, after all, and Daichi loves his classes and Suga loves his campus. How often they visit after that is their own business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My partner was worried that the goodbye scene was going to be awkward in front of parents, to which I replied that as Coach Ukai already mentioned, these boys are not as subtle as they think they are! I also offered this brief vignette.  
> \-------------  
> Earlier that year:  
> Suga and Daichi sit at the kitchen table, studying. Suga looks over to ask a question about vocabulary, only to find that Daichi has fallen fast asleep on his notebook.
> 
> Suga just sits there staring at him. He doesn't usually have a chance to study Daichi's face, up close. Daichi's forehead is slightly creased, even in sleep. Suga longs to brush the trouble from his face with his fingers. His hand lifts from the table, but falls back with fingers clenched.
> 
> Daichi stirs; blinks sleepily, and murmers, "Suga?"
> 
> "Yeah?"
> 
> "I fell asleep."
> 
> "I know. Do you want to go home?"
> 
> Daichi looks deeply distressed at this idea. "No. I wanna stay."
> 
> Too bad Daichi's eyes were closed, because if he had seen Suga's face in that moment, it probably would have sped things up by several months.
> 
> Suga's mom watches this exchange through the doorway. Silently, she says to herself "For heaven's sake, get ON with it. What are you two WAITING for?"  
> \-----------  
> Anyway, thanks for reading, and for loving these volleyball boys as much as I do!


End file.
